It's difficult for me to befriend people because I'm shy, don't trust people, and am terrible at making small talk. Making friends with people at work is even worse because I'm even more formal with people than usual. There is a girl at my job that has befriended me. The problem... I'm not sure if I like her. There's nothing wrong with her, she's nice and friendly, but she may be too nice. Just typing this makes me feel like an angsty teenager thinking they're too cool, but it's the truth. She's EXTREMELY cheerful, which may become a problem in the future because I'm Mean. I'm not a malicious person. I won't call someone out in public or deliberately embarrass you. According to a close friend I'm a Good person but not very Nice.
Let's just be honest, when you first meet people you have to be a watered down version of yourself. For example, I when I was at this co-worker's house we were looking for food for a picnic and her dad suggested watermelon. I wanted to say "Just because I'm black doesn't mean i like watermelon." Unfortunately, I couldn't because I was pretty sure that would've led to an awkward silence and apologies instead of the laugh it deserved. I've realized that I see her sunny disposition as fake, and that's messed up. Am I really that angsty, EMO teen that thinks there's no happiness and My Chemical Romance speaks to my inner darkness. I don't want to be that cynical person, and despite popular opinion I'm not that judgmental. I usually make first impressions and then see if people live up to them. I'm honestly wrong a lot, and people pleasantly surprise me.
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